4 steps to achieving your goals

Date: September 26, 2013

Author: Ann Ingham

Categories: coaching, counselling, Lifegoals, psychotherapy, self development, self help

Whether you want to quit smoking, find a new job or lose weight, we all have our very own goals. The problem is, they remain just goals for us, and many don’t take action to achieve them. Some proclaim that they don’t have time; others tell us that they’re impossible.

Well, you can achieve your goals. And it doesn’t have to be an uphill battle. All it takes is some hard work and dedication.

Set the goal
The first step is to establish and understand your goals. I find that writing them down on paper is the best way to get the ball rolling. Without knowing where you’re going, you’re never going to get there.

Go into as much detail as you can. This way you’ll be able to break your goals down into chunks and set your targets, which brings me on to my next point…

Create a plan
Know you’ve detailed what it is you want, and where you want to be, you can start to work on your route. Don’t just aim for the main goal; establish smaller goals that will eventually lead you to your final destination.

Example – if you want to quit smoking by a certain date, don’t just aim to have quit by that point. Make smaller goals to help you get there. So, say in a months’ time, you will have cut down by 5 cigarettes a day, and then up that amount each month. Eventually, when you reach your final destination you’ll have cut down to 0 cigs a day.
The plan is going to make achieving your goals a hell of a lot easier.

Act on it
It’s all very well and good setting your goals out and creating a plan, but if you don’t stick to them the whole exercise is pointless.

It isn’t always going to be easy, but hard work pays off. You need motivation to stick to it, so establish treats when you’ve reached certain mini goals.

If you miss one of your mini goals punish yourself. Do whatever you have to. Keeping on track is going to be the hardest part.

Evaluate
If you’re repeatedly missing your mini goals you need to take a step back, evaluate and then readjust. You might not get it right first time, but if you’re able to assess what you’ve achieved and see where you have gone wrong, you can get there.

We can all achieve our goals, regardless of what they are. It isn’t going to happen overnight, and there isn’t a special formula to get there. We’re all individual so it’s about finding out how best you work.

If you would like some help doing these steps contact me for a free discussion of your needs

Good luck!

The Power of your Thoughts

Date: June 26, 2013

Author: Ann Ingham

Categories: choices, counselling, Lifegoals, NLP, psychotherapy, self development

Change your thoughts change your life! Think about it! Our beliefs and assumptions about life are a self fulfilling prophecy. Our minds are programmed to look for confirming evidence to them. We do this because we don’t want to seem mad to ourselves. Unconsciously we need congruence and consistency and for the world to conform to our beliefs. The result is, if we expect bad, that is what we will get, or at least what we’ll perceive happens.

So what would you like to have happen? We naturally move towards goals that we set. Our creative part gets to work without our conscious awareness. So do some housekeeping! Clear out some negative thoughts! Entertain thoughts of hope, and expectations of what you would like to have happen!

There are lots of tools you can use to shape your thoughts and harness their power. If you would like to learn more about them, Contact me now to discuss how you can reach your goals.

Spring

Date: March 15, 2013

Author: Ann Ingham

Categories: choices, coaching, counselling, Lifegoals, NLP, psychotherapy, self development

The spring equinox is nearly here (in the northern hemisphere). This tells us that spring has well and truly arrived. Spring flowers are coming up everywhere. Even through snow in some places.

Is your life showing signs of spring? Have you got some key goals decided for this year? Are your plans beginning? Do you know what steps you need to take to bring about what you want to have happen this year?

Spring Flowers

The cycle of the seasons is a great way to give some structure to your plans and progress in your life. The seasons and festivals of the year provide a natural rhythm which can harness our energy effectively and give shape to our life’s journey.

Now is the time to get started on your projects for this year. If you have not already done so, set your self some goals. Get some help to set goals Now is the time to dream of what you want to be like, doing, who to be with, where you want to be, in a few months or a years time. Specific – What specifically do you want to achieve? Measurable – How will you know when you have achieved it? Time limited – When do you want this by?

Decide on some steps that need to be taken to get to your goal. and get your self going! Help to get motivated?

Being Assertive in a relationship

Date: August 17, 2011

Author: Ann Ingham

Categories: counselling, psychotherapy, relationships

Do you struggle to ask for what you want? Do you put up with things for a quiet life? Fear rocking the boat? Hate it when trying to say how you feel or what you want turns into a row? Would you like to be able to say assertively what you want in a way that is easy to hear and act upon?

Asking for what you want—and setting boundaries around what you don’t want—is a key life skill. But sometimes in our enthusiasm to practice this skill, we over-do our own assertiveness and end up with a partner who shuts down, gets angry or feels resentful. Here are four tips for developing your assertiveness in a way that will actually strengthen, deepen and enrich your relationship—thus avoiding the “alienation trap”:

1. Get Clear.
Being assertive starts with knowing what you are—and aren’t—willing to be, do, or have. For many of us, coming to this knowledge is a real task in itself. Here, it may be useful to ask: “What would I like to have happen?” Focusing on a desired outcome opens our minds, prevents us from falling into passivity or “victim-thinking,” and helps us get really clear on what we want and don’t want.

2. Set Boundaries.
Once you know what outcome you want, share it with your partner. Pay attention to the way stating your boundary feels in your body. With practice, you can clearly sense when you’re really expressing yourself. It can feel really pleasurable, even exhilarating, to express your needs or desires out loud. A good way to state your boundary is ”When you…….(do the thing I don’t want), I feel……… (the feeling that accompanies this experience for me – try starting with sad, angry, or afraid – most feelings are variations on these three) what I would like is for you to ….. (state the behaviour you want instead)”. These are simple ways of being assertive while maintaining connection with your partner.

3. Make a Regular Habit of Stating Your Needs and Desires.
You can build your assertiveness the same way you build any muscle: exercise. Practice speaking up about your needs, big or small, on a daily basis. When you speak up about things that are less controversial—such as where to go to dinner, requesting help unloading the dishwasher or what TV program to watch—both you and your partner get used to your assertiveness. It becomes easier for you to practice and for your partner to hear. Also, when bigger issues come along, you and your partner will have a healthy process in place for dealing with differences in needs, and you’ll have greater confidence in the resilience of your partnership.

4. Give as Much as You Get.
Assertiveness is a two-way street. If you want your boundaries to be respected, you must return the courtesy to your partner. If she doesn’t want you to use the bathroom when she’s in the shower, don’t. If he asks you to give him a half an hour after work before you talk and connect, respect that. When it comes to following through on a partner’s reasonable request, actions really do speak louder than words.

If your partner isn’t respecting your boundaries even though you’ve set them clearly, it may be time to seek professional counselling help for you and/or your relationship.

Couples Counselling

Contact me now for a free consultation

Older and Wiser

Date: August 17, 2011

Author: Ann Ingham

Categories: counselling, NLP, psychotherapy, self development

Older and Wiser Review

What do you think about as your birthday approaches?
Presents you will receive? A fun celebration?
How fast the last year seems to have passed?
Do you wonder what you have done with your year?
Wouldn’t it be good to be able to know that you have had a good year, spent it well and celebrate all the had achieved and learned?

Try doing an older and wiser review with me.

Click here for more information