Comments for Life-Goals Psychotherapy Counselling Coaching http://www.life-goals.co.uk:/wordpress What do you want to have happen? Sat, 02 Apr 2011 13:30:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Helping you make it happen. What do you want to have happen? by Life-Goals http://www.life-goals.co.uk:/wordpress/?p=39#comment-3 Life-Goals Sat, 02 Apr 2011 13:30:24 +0000 http://www.life-goals.co.uk:/wordpress/?p=39#comment-3 First when you know what you want, articulate that want to yourself, as a clear, behavioural, timed desired outcome. And it needs to be your behaviour. You can't make other people do what you want them to. If you can't do that, then maybe break down what you want into smaller chunks and start off with a smaller piece. Often the desired outcome being too big is why you can't seem to change it. Once you have a desired outcome that is clear, behavioural and timed, check what the effects of this being achieved are going to be. What are the consequences? Do you you want or can you live with them all or are there some things that would happen that you really don't want. This can be the reason you haven't done it so far. Then generate several options for what you can do to bring it about. Often getting hooked on one way of doing something instead of seeing a range of possibilities stops us from getting there. If you have done all that and found a plan that seems realistic then stick at it for 30 - 45 days trying to do the new behaviour. That's how long it takes to create a new unconscious habit to replace the old unconscious habit. <br /><br />That may sound simplistic. You have not said what the change you want to make is so I can only give you the general formula. You may need some 1:1 guidance in applying the process the first few times, and/or for a hard well rooted habit. <br /><br />I have read a bit of your blog and see that this question is in the context of a lot of pain and rage. It's not easy to apply these techniques when your feelings are so high, but it is possible if you can focus on one piece at a time. The psycho-dynamic process takes a very different approach to change and you may not be able to do both at once. <br /><br />If you want to try this, and want to do so in a less public forum please email me. First when you know what you want, articulate that want to yourself, as a clear, behavioural, timed desired outcome. And it needs to be your behaviour. You can't make other people do what you want them to. If you can't do that, then maybe break down what you want into smaller chunks and start off with a smaller piece. Often the desired outcome being too big is why you can't seem to change it. Once you have a desired outcome that is clear, behavioural and timed, check what the effects of this being achieved are going to be. What are the consequences? Do you you want or can you live with them all or are there some things that would happen that you really don't want. This can be the reason you haven't done it so far. Then generate several options for what you can do to bring it about. Often getting hooked on one way of doing something instead of seeing a range of possibilities stops us from getting there. If you have done all that and found a plan that seems realistic then stick at it for 30 – 45 days trying to do the new behaviour. That's how long it takes to create a new unconscious habit to replace the old unconscious habit.

That may sound simplistic. You have not said what the change you want to make is so I can only give you the general formula. You may need some 1:1 guidance in applying the process the first few times, and/or for a hard well rooted habit.

I have read a bit of your blog and see that this question is in the context of a lot of pain and rage. It's not easy to apply these techniques when your feelings are so high, but it is possible if you can focus on one piece at a time. The psycho-dynamic process takes a very different approach to change and you may not be able to do both at once.

If you want to try this, and want to do so in a less public forum please email me.

]]> Comment on Helping you make it happen. What do you want to have happen? by UnmotheredChild http://www.life-goals.co.uk:/wordpress/?p=39#comment-2 UnmotheredChild Sat, 02 Apr 2011 11:13:33 +0000 http://www.life-goals.co.uk:/wordpress/?p=39#comment-2 But how do you actually make the change? I know what I want but I cant seem to change it But how do you actually make the change? I know what I want but I cant seem to change it

]]>