self help

New Years Resolutions – How are yours doing?

Did you make some new years resolutions? How are they doing? It’s not so easy to change your habits is it?

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This is the time of the year when people are taking stock of their lives, examining their progress or lack thereof, and contemplating the path they would like to take in the coming year. You undoubtedly have heard many different ways to set goals in previous years, but this year I would like to invite you to set your course from an existential perspective .

The existential perspective can be seen as an invitation to live and not just a list of things to change. As such, this list will call you to a deeper examination of a more meaningful life, help you to begin to view the upcoming year through an existential lens, and, hopefully, empower you to reclaim and truly own your life.

1. Begin with the end in mind: Although Steven Covey made this statement famous with his goal-setting guidance, the end we’re discussing here is not the end of 2013 but rather the end of your life. Death is not something our culture likes to talk about, but it’s important for living a full life. Imagine how you would live your life if you were diagnosed with a terminal illness or if you were 85 years old. Chances are you would spend more time on the things that really matter, like cultivating relationships, playing more, and worrying less.

2. Practice presence: Practicing presence is mindful engagement with the present moment. A person who is present is one who is aware of his or her own experience and, often, the experiences of others. The present person is one who pays careful attention to what is happening in the now, wherever he or she might be, without allowing outside distractions to invade. Practicing presence will deepen your relationship with your colleagues, family, loved ones, and yourself.

3. Positive thinking? Forget about it: Positive thinking, while having some merit, is one of the ways in which people tend to deny their experience. Positive thinking encourages people to focus on the good things in life while forsaking the darker aspects that life also holds. While I don’t believe that wallowing in sorrow or focusing only on the negative aspects of life is healthy, neither is denying their existence. In fact, denying the experience of negative feelings or experiences can be even more harmful later, when the unresolved emotions arise. This year, work on allowing yourself to have your experience without getting stuck in it. Whatever you’re feeling, let it be and then let it go.

4. Choose freedom (and responsibility): Viktor Frankl said “I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast” because he understood that with freedom comes responsibility. In fact, the two are intricately intertwined. If you really want to be free, you have to take total responsibility for your life. Once you do, you will never again be a victim to people, forces out of your control, or circumstances because no matter what happens, you will always be free to choose how you respond to it.

5. Make the journey the goal: When you focus solely on the outcome or the endgame, you lose the value of the journey—and the journey is the richest part. Although there is value in setting measurable goals, don’t get so consumed with the ending that you miss out on what really matters. If losing weight is your goal, keep the big picture in mind but celebrate the smaller goals along the way. Instead of counting success in pounds lost, consider the success in feeling healthy. Wherever you are in the journey is exactly where you ought to be; enjoy where you are while on the way to where you’re going.

As you progress through this New Year, set your goals and resolutions using an existential perspective. I trust you will find a more poignant, powerful, and meaningful life emerging. Here’s to a vivified existence with renewed courage and will. I wish you health, wellness, love, and hope this year and all years.

If You want more tips on New Years Resolutions

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If you would like more information about Life-Goals Psychotherapy

Contact us directly for psychotherapy and counselling in Warrington ,Cheshire and South Lancashire

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Have you started feeling low?

depression-569858614-1788638Sorry that you are feeling low.

You will get over it fairly quickly and stop yourself sinking into a full depression if you stick to a few simple principles.

First: do get out of bed each day at a regular reasonably early time. Try to eat regular nourishing meals even if you don’t really feel like it. Wash and clean your teeth. This will stimulate your system. Go to bed at a regular reasonable time that means you’ll get about 8 hours sleep. Getting your body clock into a routine will help your mind adjust and stop you from getting into a full depression.

Second: Keep active even if you don’t feel like it. Act as if you felt like it at first, and soon you will. Choose things to do that you will enjoy. Don’t sit and watch TV. Being a passive recipient will leave you time to brood. A film is better than TV if you want to sit and watch something for a bit, because you are likely to be more engaged. Aim to do something active each day.

Third: Talk about how you feel and what is bothering you to a friend. Listen to their response, and then let it go. Don’t keep thinking about it. This is called rumination and will make you feel worse. If only’s and self reproach will not help. If there are lessons to be learned from what has happened then make a vow to yourself that “next time I’ll …..” and then let it go.

If you want to know more about this then read http://www.life-goals.co.uk/wordpress/natural-ways-…

4 steps to achieving your goals

Whether you want to quit smoking, find a new job or lose weight, we all have our very own goals. The problem is, they remain just goals for us, and many don’t take action to achieve them. Some proclaim that they don’t have time; others tell us that they’re impossible.

Well, you can achieve your goals. And it doesn’t have to be an uphill battle. All it takes is some hard work and dedication.

Set the goal
The first step is to establish and understand your goals. I find that writing them down on paper is the best way to get the ball rolling. Without knowing where you’re going, you’re never going to get there.

Go into as much detail as you can. This way you’ll be able to break your goals down into chunks and set your targets, which brings me on to my next point…

Create a plan
Know you’ve detailed what it is you want, and where you want to be, you can start to work on your route. Don’t just aim for the main goal; establish smaller goals that will eventually lead you to your final destination.

Example – if you want to quit smoking by a certain date, don’t just aim to have quit by that point. Make smaller goals to help you get there. So, say in a months’ time, you will have cut down by 5 cigarettes a day, and then up that amount each month. Eventually, when you reach your final destination you’ll have cut down to 0 cigs a day.
The plan is going to make achieving your goals a hell of a lot easier.

Act on it
It’s all very well and good setting your goals out and creating a plan, but if you don’t stick to them the whole exercise is pointless.

It isn’t always going to be easy, but hard work pays off. You need motivation to stick to it, so establish treats when you’ve reached certain mini goals.

If you miss one of your mini goals punish yourself. Do whatever you have to. Keeping on track is going to be the hardest part.

Evaluate
If you’re repeatedly missing your mini goals you need to take a step back, evaluate and then readjust. You might not get it right first time, but if you’re able to assess what you’ve achieved and see where you have gone wrong, you can get there.

We can all achieve our goals, regardless of what they are. It isn’t going to happen overnight, and there isn’t a special formula to get there. We’re all individual so it’s about finding out how best you work.

If you would like some help doing these steps contact me for a free discussion of your needs

Good luck!

"We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are." – Anais Nin

What we perceive is filtered through our experience , values, beliefs and knowledge. We don’t perceive reality  – we perceive our version of reality, a model in our minds. If you keep perceiving as you have always done, your world view will stay the same. Did you know that the person who can create and use the most options in any given situation will tend to be most successful? Try shifting your perception, introduce more options, more choices. Do something a different way, see it as someone you know sees it. If you want different results then do something different! Be different and you will renew your self!

NLP focuses on studying success and how success is created and modelling that success. What have you seen done, that you thought “I wish I was like that”? Watch, study, model that behaviour and practise doing it yourself. It will become you!

So if you don’t like things as you see them – change yourself!
For more information Life-Goals

The time of year for planting seeds

 It’s the time of year for planting seeds to grow during the year. This has been a regular theme with clients over the last few weeks. I’m not talking about gardening! I’m talking metaphorically about the intentions, projects, developments and changes we wish to bring about in our lives in 2011.

Following the natural cycle of the year, winter and winter solstice is a time for sitting back, reflecting, renewing our energies and dreaming and planning. Do you know what you would like to have happen? If so then now is the time to dream it into being.

Try sitting looking into a fire, or flame if you can’t get to a real fire, and dreaming your dream. Make your dream vivid and exciting. See yourself in your dream doing and being what you desire. Hear and feel the full experience. When you think it pretty vivid and real, make it more so, as if you were turning up the volume knob. Then when its as vivid loud and strong as it can be, let it go. This plants the seed deep in your unconscious mind.

Over the next few weeks, as the light returns and energy comes back, you will find yourself spotting opportunities and taking steps to make your dream happen. 

For more information click Life-Goals

New Years Resolutions Already faded away?

 
Have your New years Resolutions already faded into last week? Feeling guilty about not having more determination and willpower? Here is the inside news – New Years Resolutions are inherently flawed. What you probably wanted to change was a long standing habit that you have been practising for years to get it just flowing from your unconscious without having to remember to do it. Trying to change it by willpower and conscious trying is not an effective method.

The effective way is to re-educate your unconscious to be creating the new habit you want to replace the old habit with.

First decide what you are going to be doing instead of the old habit. Then practise twice a day seeing your self do the new habit and how great you feel about it. Keep up this visualisation for a month. Once you feel a strong desire to do the new habit start it but don’t try to push yourself to do it. Let the pull of the new unconscious perception and motivation work for you.

Between 30 days and 45 days later the new habit will have become established as part of the new you. and it will stay part of you flowing naturally without thinking for ever or until you replace it with a new vision.

For more information click Life-Goals