Archives

4 steps to achieving your goals

Date: September 26, 2013
Author: Ann Ingham
Categories: coaching, counselling, Lifegoals, psychotherapy, self development, self help

Whether you want to quit smoking, find a new job or lose weight, we all have our very own goals. The problem is, they remain just goals for us, and many don’t take action to achieve them. Some proclaim that they don’t have time; others tell us that they’re impossible.

Well, you can achieve your goals. And it doesn’t have to be an uphill battle. All it takes is some hard work and dedication.

Set the goal
The first step is to establish and understand your goals. I find that writing them down on paper is the best way to get the ball rolling. Without knowing where you’re going, you’re never going to get there.

Go into as much detail as you can. This way you’ll be able to break your goals down into chunks and set your targets, which brings me on to my next point…

Create a plan
Know you’ve detailed what it is you want, and where you want to be, you can start to work on your route. Don’t just aim for the main goal; establish smaller goals that will eventually lead you to your final destination.

Example – if you want to quit smoking by a certain date, don’t just aim to have quit by that point. Make smaller goals to help you get there. So, say in a months’ time, you will have cut down by 5 cigarettes a day, and then up that amount each month. Eventually, when you reach your final destination you’ll have cut down to 0 cigs a day.
The plan is going to make achieving your goals a hell of a lot easier.

Act on it
It’s all very well and good setting your goals out and creating a plan, but if you don’t stick to them the whole exercise is pointless.

It isn’t always going to be easy, but hard work pays off. You need motivation to stick to it, so establish treats when you’ve reached certain mini goals.

If you miss one of your mini goals punish yourself. Do whatever you have to. Keeping on track is going to be the hardest part.

Evaluate
If you’re repeatedly missing your mini goals you need to take a step back, evaluate and then readjust. You might not get it right first time, but if you’re able to assess what you’ve achieved and see where you have gone wrong, you can get there.

We can all achieve our goals, regardless of what they are. It isn’t going to happen overnight, and there isn’t a special formula to get there. We’re all individual so it’s about finding out how best you work.

If you would like some help doing these steps contact me for a free discussion of your needs

Good luck!

Spring

Date: March 15, 2013
Author: Ann Ingham
Categories: choices, coaching, counselling, Lifegoals, NLP, psychotherapy, self development

The spring equinox is nearly here (in the northern hemisphere). This tells us that spring has well and truly arrived. Spring flowers are coming up everywhere. Even through snow in some places.

Is your life showing signs of spring? Have you got some key goals decided for this year? Are your plans beginning? Do you know what steps you need to take to bring about what you want to have happen this year?

Spring Flowers

Spring Flowers

The cycle of the seasons is a great way to give some structure to your plans and progress in your life. The seasons and festivals of the year provide a natural rhythm which can harness our energy effectively and give shape to our life’s journey.

Now is the time to get started on your projects for this year. If you have not already done so, set your self some goals. Get some help to set goals Now is the time to dream of what you want to be like, doing, who to be with, where you want to be, in a few months or a years time. Specific – What specifically do you want to achieve? Measurable – How will you know when you have achieved it? Time limited – When do you want this by?

Decide on some steps that need to be taken to get to your goal. and get your self going! Help to get motivated?

Being Assertive in a relationship

Date: August 17, 2011
Author: Ann Ingham
Categories: counselling, psychotherapy, relationships

Do you struggle to ask for what you want? Do you put up with things for a quiet life? Fear rocking the boat? Hate it when trying to say how you feel or what you want turns into a row? Would you like to be able to say assertively what you want in a way that is easy to hear and act upon?

Asking for what you want—and setting boundaries around what you don’t want—is a key life skill. But sometimes in our enthusiasm to practice this skill, we over-do our own assertiveness and end up with a partner who shuts down, gets angry or feels resentful. Here are four tips for developing your assertiveness in a way that will actually strengthen, deepen and enrich your relationship—thus avoiding the “alienation trap”:

1. Get Clear.
Being assertive starts with knowing what you are—and aren’t—willing to be, do, or have. For many of us, coming to this knowledge is a real task in itself. Here, it may be useful to ask: “What would I like to have happen?” Focusing on a desired outcome opens our minds, prevents us from falling into passivity or “victim-thinking,” and helps us get really clear on what we want and don’t want.

2. Set Boundaries.
Once you know what outcome you want, share it with your partner. Pay attention to the way stating your boundary feels in your body. With practice, you can clearly sense when you’re really expressing yourself. It can feel really pleasurable, even exhilarating, to express your needs or desires out loud. A good way to state your boundary is ”When you…….(do the thing I don’t want), I feel……… (the feeling that accompanies this experience for me – try starting with sad, angry, or afraid – most feelings are variations on these three) what I would like is for you to ….. (state the behaviour you want instead)”. These are simple ways of being assertive while maintaining connection with your partner.

3. Make a Regular Habit of Stating Your Needs and Desires.
You can build your assertiveness the same way you build any muscle: exercise. Practice speaking up about your needs, big or small, on a daily basis. When you speak up about things that are less controversial—such as where to go to dinner, requesting help unloading the dishwasher or what TV program to watch—both you and your partner get used to your assertiveness. It becomes easier for you to practice and for your partner to hear. Also, when bigger issues come along, you and your partner will have a healthy process in place for dealing with differences in needs, and you’ll have greater confidence in the resilience of your partnership.

4. Give as Much as You Get.
Assertiveness is a two-way street. If you want your boundaries to be respected, you must return the courtesy to your partner. If she doesn’t want you to use the bathroom when she’s in the shower, don’t. If he asks you to give him a half an hour after work before you talk and connect, respect that. When it comes to following through on a partner’s reasonable request, actions really do speak louder than words.

If your partner isn’t respecting your boundaries even though you’ve set them clearly, it may be time to seek professional counselling help for you and/or your relationship.

Couples Counselling

Contact me now for a free consultation

Helping you make it happen. What do you want to have happen?

Date: March 15, 2011
Author: Ann Ingham
Categories: choices, coaching, counselling, Lifegoals, NLP, psychotherapy

The structure of your life is in your hands. Making sure your roots are healthy, deep enough and in a fertile place.  Growing a strong trunk that can support what you want to do and who you want to be. Reaching your branches out into the right areas and directions. Putting out foliage that shows who you are. Producing flowers to attract who you need in your life. Growing fruit that is the satisfying product of your life for your self and those you wish to nourish.

What would you like to have happen? What keeps happening?  What do you want to stop or avoid?  and What do you want to have happen?

Being clear about the structure you wish to create is the first step to a satisfying, fun, happy and joyful life.

For more information

The time of year for planting seeds

Date: January 27, 2011
Author: Ann Ingham
Categories: coaching, counselling, NLP, psychotherapy, self development, self help
 It’s the time of year for planting seeds to grow during the year. This has been a regular theme with clients over the last few weeks. I’m not talking about gardening! I’m talking metaphorically about the intentions, projects, developments and changes we wish to bring about in our lives in 2011.

Following the natural cycle of the year, winter and winter solstice is a time for sitting back, reflecting, renewing our energies and dreaming and planning. Do you know what you would like to have happen? If so then now is the time to dream it into being.

Try sitting looking into a fire, or flame if you can’t get to a real fire, and dreaming your dream. Make your dream vivid and exciting. See yourself in your dream doing and being what you desire. Hear and feel the full experience. When you think it pretty vivid and real, make it more so, as if you were turning up the volume knob. Then when its as vivid loud and strong as it can be, let it go. This plants the seed deep in your unconscious mind.

Over the next few weeks, as the light returns and energy comes back, you will find yourself spotting opportunities and taking steps to make your dream happen. 

For more information click Life-Goals